How To: Towel Fight

You know when you’re chillin’ at the beach and you go for a swim only to return to dry land and find some bozos posted up right next to you blaring some shitty music and wearing offensive swim wear?

Lame, right?

Don’t let that slide! Here’s what you do: Pick up your favorite LEUS towel, casually stroll down to the waters edge, dip the tip (just the tip) into the sea, twist it up just so, and storm the clowns waving the welt-inducing weapon like a crazed banshee. Aim for the soft flesh—buttocks, thighs, and bellies are prime targets.

Once you’ve opened that can of whoop ass, watch in glee as the fools flee, then calmly re-take your position on the playa like nothing happened.